Lost

I don't understand what I have become.
Each day passes as quickly as the one before,
and yet I feel so empty.
My life is nothing as I had imagined it would be.
Happy is how I saw myself.
I am in a vulnerable place
and I feel so alone.
I don't know that anyone could understand
the way I feel tonight, tomorrow, yesterday.
I am a failure. I am worthless to society.
I search for the desire to be more than this,
yet I cannot find the determination and drive.
Some days I want to be so alone
that I dream of getting lost in isolation
and never returning.
I find myself consumed by my thoughts,
thoughts that drag me deeper and deeper into my mind
that I wonder if I can pull myself back up.
Then I question if I even want to be brought back.
I imagine the unthinkable happening to me,
and wonder how much it really would matter.
Where am I going and what am I doing?
I just don't know and don't even know if I really want to.