Lost

I don't understand what I have become.
Each day passes as quickly as the one before,
and yet I feel so empty.
My life is nothing as I had imagined it would be.
Happy is how I saw myself.
I am in a vulnerable place
and I feel so alone.
I don't know that anyone could understand
the way I feel tonight, tomorrow, yesterday.
I am a failure. I am worthless to society.
I search for the desire to be more than this,
yet I cannot find the determination and drive.
Some days I want to be so alone
that I dream of getting lost in isolation
and never returning.
I find myself consumed by my thoughts,
thoughts that drag me deeper and deeper into my mind
that I wonder if I can pull myself back up.
Then I question if I even want to be brought back.
I imagine the unthinkable happening to me,
and wonder how much it really would matter.
Where am I going and what am I doing?
I just don't know and don't even know if I really want to.

Crossfire

Caught in a crossfire inside my mind,
I see a blur of uncertainty,
a large cloud covering my world in gray.
No light can escape to aid me.
The path is sharp and winding,
there is no room for me to continue on.
I must give up.
You knew I'd never make it.
You told me to my face everyday.
You'd say, "You're too weak for this world."
I thought I could prove you wrong,
I fell at your feet and begged for another fate.
A dagger strikes my hopes and dreams,
and suffocates the only thing I've ever known to be true:
My love for you will never die.
My vision is slowly flooding,
and I know I've lost you forever.
So run away, far away,
to unfamiliar places.
Give yourself a world, a life, I could only dream of.
I will suffer for eternity in a world of gray,
everyday knowing my biggest mistake:
I let you down in every possible way
and there is nothing I could do to get you back.