Broken Hearted

I fell so hard, unlike I ever had before
and you let me fall.
You weren't there to catch me.
An image of you stood at the bottom,
frozen in time, smiling and waiting for me to fall.
And when I did, it wasn't you.
It was all an illusion.
Why must I put myself through this?
I cannot feel this pain again.
My heart is numb,
my desires are gone.
All positive hope for myself has been lifted from my reach.
You were something incredible to me.
You meant the world, you were my world.
I didn't mean that much to you.
I never mean that much to anyone.
My biggest weakness is that I care too much.
I fear it will be my end.
I am surrendering all hope for love.
Love hurts worse than it is capable of creating happiness.
I am done trying to be happy.
I keep trying on happiness, but it never fits.
I will live my life without it.
I have so far...

Lost

I don't understand what I have become.
Each day passes as quickly as the one before,
and yet I feel so empty.
My life is nothing as I had imagined it would be.
Happy is how I saw myself.
I am in a vulnerable place
and I feel so alone.
I don't know that anyone could understand
the way I feel tonight, tomorrow, yesterday.
I am a failure. I am worthless to society.
I search for the desire to be more than this,
yet I cannot find the determination and drive.
Some days I want to be so alone
that I dream of getting lost in isolation
and never returning.
I find myself consumed by my thoughts,
thoughts that drag me deeper and deeper into my mind
that I wonder if I can pull myself back up.
Then I question if I even want to be brought back.
I imagine the unthinkable happening to me,
and wonder how much it really would matter.
Where am I going and what am I doing?
I just don't know and don't even know if I really want to.

Crossfire

Caught in a crossfire inside my mind,
I see a blur of uncertainty,
a large cloud covering my world in gray.
No light can escape to aid me.
The path is sharp and winding,
there is no room for me to continue on.
I must give up.
You knew I'd never make it.
You told me to my face everyday.
You'd say, "You're too weak for this world."
I thought I could prove you wrong,
I fell at your feet and begged for another fate.
A dagger strikes my hopes and dreams,
and suffocates the only thing I've ever known to be true:
My love for you will never die.
My vision is slowly flooding,
and I know I've lost you forever.
So run away, far away,
to unfamiliar places.
Give yourself a world, a life, I could only dream of.
I will suffer for eternity in a world of gray,
everyday knowing my biggest mistake:
I let you down in every possible way
and there is nothing I could do to get you back.

Falling

Falling.
Falling swiftly.
Cautious, yet carefree.
Could this be?
Clouds catch me,
Release me,
Send me floating on.
Constant fluttering.
Childish grin.
Crazy?
Knees growing weaker.
Vision tunneling.
Breathing quickened.
Every minute falling.
Falling gracefully.
Look to waiting arms;
Waiting to catch,
Waiting to save me.
Hold me tight.
Never let me have to fall again.

Darkness

Yesterday will be better than today.
She's constantly living in fear.
Every day may be her last.
Is someone looking through the glass?
Maybe the worst wouldn't be that bad.
A little pity without shame?
Is that really what she pretends to want?
Is she really that starved?
A revelation might save her.
She does not have much to rely on.
She has denied herself much to rely on.
She's always laughing happiness in the face,
saying she will never be able to feel it's joy.
Her world is filled with gray,
her face always buried in the sand.
Kindness cannot pry the grip she has on herself.
Too much darkness in the world.
Is this night darker than the rest?
Will the hands of darkness throw a punch her way?
She hoped she would be so lucky.
At least then she wouldn't be so damn alone.

Nobody

A hopeless nobody always selling herself short,
she doesn't know she's slowly killing herself.
Her head is full of secrets and lies
as her heart swells with fear and disgust.
She hates who she has become.
The deafening sound of her tears hitting the pillow
night after night torments her.
She bottles inside her anger and rage,
never showing her true self to anyone.
Her cover is flawless, this she knows.
She is permanently damaged beyond repair.
Her subtle attempts at happiness fail miserably.
She loathes the world she's chosen for herself.
It's too late. She cannot change.
She is meant to be nothing more than just another
Nobody.

Blind

How can our hearts be so blind to reality?
The heart wants what it shouldn't;
it wants what is repulsed by the mind.
The heart seeks what it can't have
and tortures your every day, your every minute.
The heart so strongly loves,
yet is so easily broken.
The heart gives generously to those it loves
and cries when it does not receive.
The heart heals its wounds and puts up a barrier,
one that falls more quickly than it is built.
The heart triumphs the mind
and creates misery and suffering.
The heart attaches itself to another and remains,
even when the other moves in a different direction.
The heart is capable of feeling everlasting love,
but may never feel this in return.
"Love is grand." ???
Love is Pain. Heartache. Depression.
Love is Tears. Hopelessness. Suicide.
Love is Bloody. Messy. Dirty.
We blindly spend our lives walking around
with our hearts leading the way.
Without ration or intelligence present,
we set ourselves up for unhappiness from the start.

Foolish

I cannot weep,
I cannot feel,
I cannot be who I was before you.
You've stolen my every thought,
my heart, my sanity.
Why must I feel this way for you?
You didn't even care for me that much.
You used me,
took advantage of me,
you lied and made me a fool.
Why would I miss being with you?
Blinded by my own naivity
I let you get away with it all.
Thousands of tears fell
over many days and
I am still mending my broken heart.
I see you and my heart flutters.
What do you think when you see me?
Does it even phase you?
Do you regret the things you did
or didn't do?
If I could know how you feel about everything
I could find closure.
Until then,
my wounded heart will never be repaired.